The Wisdom Blog

Teresa McCoy is a member of the Cherokee Nation living in Cherokee, NC. When I interviewed her for Wisdom Out, and asked her to speak about love, she told me something that continues to have a ripple effect in my life. She said, “You must get up every morning and forgive yourself for anything that might be bothering you. That negative feeling will be replaced by love for your community, family, nation–it all starts with love for yourself.”

Honestly, at least once a day, I struggle to grasp and hang on to the comforting yet challenging wisdom in Teresa’s words. Sometimes I have complete clarity and other times I feel lost and I lose sight of their simple meaning. I’ve come to understand this much: What we can’t forgive ourselves for takes up space inside of us. When we forgive ourselves every day, we make space for love-perhaps even for love that redeems the very transgression we refuse to forgive ourselves for. It also seems to me that when we forgive ourselves every single day, we learn how to forgive others. After all, if we can flex our forgiveness muscle by practicing on ourselves each day, we will most likely get better at forgiving others. Or, vice-versa (since some people are better at forgiving others than they are themselves).

Here is another thought: Does self-forgiveness make you more “love able”? In other words, if you don’t forgive yourself for whatever is bothering you, does this also make you at some level, unworthy of love?

What do you think about this? What is the relationship between the wisdom in self-forgiveness and your capacity to love? Discuss, share, learn.

Best to All,
Elle

Just last month the Harvard MBA program asked students and alumni to sign an oath that pledges they will use their management skills and knowledge to serve the greater good. Billions of business people already operate this way - in fact I interview many of them for my wisdom work and Doug Reeves and I interview many others for our field work for a book we are writing on individual and organization renewal (www.renewalcoaching.com). Social entrepreneurs have always had the greater good built into their bottom line - as Paul Hawkins writes in his terrific book, Blessed Unrest. And Angel Cabrera from Thunderbird Business School in Phoenix (http://knowledgenetwork.thunderbird.edu/cabrera/) urges his business students to consider the greater good. Heck, smart marketers know that concern for the greater good, in both business processes and outcomes, is a terrific branding strategy. People like to spend their money with companies that are connected to the good of the planet, people, and profit.

In light of these remarkable conversations about the greater good already in progress, I can understand why the oath from Harvard ruffles a few feathers. But I see it this way: The greater good is so important, that society needs a multi-prong approach to bring more people into the conversation. We need wide and varied sources talking about it and bringing it to the forefront. Harvard has impressive global authority - which brought media attention to the concept of the “greater good” and got more people talking about it.

As we emerge from the current bleak economic reality, I predict we will see many more new entrepreneurs willing to take the risks that come from working for yourself in exchange for a greater sense of independence. Combine this with the terrific energy coming from Generation Y - who are idealists and know how to use social media to generate innovative solutions as well as huge amounts of money, and we have not only hope, but action.
The greater good IS good business, and here is the incredible bonus: concern for the greater good has always been the work of the wise. The way I see it, not only is conversation about the greater good, good for business and good for others, it is good for the development of wisdom in the world. Lets keep talking about it.

*** *** *** The seed for what is now known as the Next of Kin Registry (NOKR) was planted years ago when Mark Cerney’s childhood caretaker, MiMi passed away while Mark was on his honeymoon. MiMi was in a care center at the time, where Mark visited her every weekend. Most of the staff there knew him by name, but no one thought to call him when she died. Mark began to wonder; with all the great technology we have, surely there must be a way to prevent this tragedy for others. Mark says, “Everyone deserves dignity—the homeless, kids on the street—someone needs to be notified if they are injured or deceased.” *** *** ***

Wisdom is seen in people like Mark Cerney, who not only face life’s losses and adversities but who work with them and transform them into something quite special. This pattern of transformation is common enough to those who have been nominated to Wisdom Out, that I’ve come to understand that redemption of loss for a greater good must be part of the definition of wisdom. I also see a healthy dose of what we’ve come to know as emotional intelligence, a term coined by Daniel Goleman in 1995. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, moderate and use emotions in oneself and others to effectively navigate work and life. Wisdom and emotional intelligence are not one and the same. But it is hard to imagine a wise person without emotional intelligence. As Wisdom Maker Andy Reeves observes, “Wisdom is about being above the fray.”

So, I offer you this new definition of wisdom:
Wisdom is a way of thinking and being that merges rational thinking, emotional intelligence, intuition and experience to empower people to respond elegantly to important matters of life and redeem life defining loss in exchange for a greater good.

What are your thoughts? What are the redemptive stories in your life? Go ahead and add your two cents. Thanks much, Elle

“To my extreme mortification I grow wiser every day” –Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
English letter author & poet (1689 - 1762)

Warning: What follows is a description of a tedious pet peeve—insignificant in every way except for how irritated I allow it to make me. I tell it to make a point.

Few things in daily life are as painful to me as being a passenger on an airplane during disembarkment, lets say anywhere back of row seven in the main cabin of a medium sized jet. I usually am in a window seat, which provides the positive effect of countering closterphobia during the flight (opening up the whole sky to me as it does, with just a turn of my head) but extracts a dear price when the plane lands. During disembarkment I am trapped, at the mercy of whatever number of people are in the seats next to me and in the rows ahead of me. Why can’t people get off an airplane in an efficient and timely manner? They have the entire flight to formulate a plan for getting off the plane when it lands. They do know they will eventually have to leave the plane, do they not? As a bonified frequent flyer, I can tell you that many passengers appear caught off guard when it is their turn to get off the plane. “What?” They seem to ask when those behind them in the aisle gesture that it is their turn to leave their seat. “You mean I need to get off the plane now?” Then and only then are paperbacks stuffed into pockets and purses, bags retrieved from under seats, suitcases lugged down from overhead containers, and coats shrugged into. Unbelievable! I want to yell out as I watch them, mindful of the ticking clock and the minutes between now and my connecting flight. I am not proud of any of this.

Wisdom is known to show itself during times of adversity. But sometimes adversity masquerades as the mundane irritations of daily life. These irritations may not present profound life changing opportunities, but they challenge us nevertheless. We certainly can behave quite foolishly in response to them, and this response can become a habit that robs joy from our day. Maybe these irritants come to us to give us the chance to flex and strengthen our wisdom muscles. Wisdom Maker Lisa Foley says, “Every small choice prepares you for the larger choices.” Lisa knows wisdom responds to the small trials in life with the same perspective it does to life’s larger challenges. She pays attention to these opportunities, recognizing them for what they are and responding to them as if it mattered—because it does.

A fellow frequent flyer once confided that although he loves his work, he despises the travel portion of his job. He used to let it get to him, to the point where he became physically ill at the thought of the travel ordeal that accompanied every business trip. Finally, exasperated with his complaining, this man’s wife told him “You have to love it all.” Now, that is practical wisdom for the 21st Century!

Where in your life do little trails and adversities appear, giving you a chance to flex your wisdom muscle? How do you respond? What have you learned from the small things, that help you respond to the larger losses and adversities in life?